UndercoverQueer


Resurfacing
July 2, 2010, 4:38 am
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: ,

Action creates
a taste
for itself

-Kay Ryan

I’ve taken an unexpected hiatus from posting here, and I apologize. I’ve been busy with many things – inside my head and out of it – and lately I’ve found myself unwilling to take the words from my mind and fix them to the page.I’ve been mulling over possible entries, but I haven’t quite had the energy to gather them into the form of a post.

Originally, this blog was meant to explore non-traditional relationships from a personal, non-academic viewpoint. However, I have only my relationships to write about; I can’t venture to speak for others. And in the last month, I’ve been feeling a great deal of self-doubt. I found myself wondering if I really was qualified to talk about queer issues. After all, I’m in a committed relationship with a male. I can’t deny my past experiences and my current feelings and the dynamic with which I approach my partnership, but I found myself wondering: is all this really relevant to the queer experience? Do I have anything to offer?

But after experiencing some second-hand vitriol when conservative Christian relatives of mine discovered this blog, I’m beginning to reconsider my reservations. I wanted to create the blog as a method of making noise, of sounding off about something I care about. I wanted to talk about a way of living that makes multiple people from diverse backgrounds uncomfortable. I wanted to say, “Here I am. This is me. What do you want to know about it?”

And so that’s what I’ll continue doing, hopefully with more regularity. Along the way, I’ll try to tell you about the organic farming and the zine library and the ladies skillshare events and the ritual drone band and the hardcore shows and the babysitting and the ice cream making and the community radio programs and the burlesque and all the rest of it that’s keeping me so occupied of late. I’ll try to tell you what I think about each of these things and why I do them; how my partner and I have become the people we are and what brought us here.

Most of all, I’ll try to make you understand us, or at least get a taste of what our lives look like. I’m eager to not just explain, but to describe, to give you something to recognize and respond to. Like anyone, much of myself – my motivations, my attractions, my personhood – lies below the surface. I want to expose myself to your view. I am not an abstraction, nor a statistic – I am myself. I am a human being with foibles and desires and doubts. And this is my story.